Dave Cariello: What’s up, Dave!
Dave Choate: Hey, it’s Dave! Word on the street is you’ve hopped on the Saints bandwagon these days.
Dave Cariello: Just keeping an eye on them, you know? Following their progress from time to time.
Dave Choate: Right, right. Between plotting heists with Drew Brees, I presume?
Dave Cariello: Haha, you caught that Onion piece, huh?
Dave Choate: Man, The Onion is my bible.
Dave Cariello: Seriously, you’ve got the comedic chops for them. You should send them your stuff.
Dave Choate: Already did! Sent in a sample article about the Falcons winning the Super Bowl. Got rejected for being “too far-fetched.”
Dave Cariello: Haha! I don’t even need to trash-talk the Falcons; you’re doing it yourself.
Dave Choate: Hey, they know it’s love. Deep down. Might be all the fan mail, but they get it.
Dave Cariello: So, has it been a rollercoaster of emotions being a Falcons fan this year? Easy or hard to love so far?
Dave Choate: Week one, they made it tough. Week two, they were lovable again. Then we faced the Steelers’ defense and, suddenly, all was forgiven for the early wobbles.
Dave Cariello: Smooth transition there, right into some serious football analysis?
Dave Choate: Slick as butter. You’re like the MC Hammer of segues. But back to the Saints – how are they looking?
Dave Cariello: Saints are sitting at 2-0 post-Super Bowl win. Can’t complain, really. Pretty sure there’s some unspoken rule about that.
Dave Cariello: So you’re pinning that first loss on the Steelers’ defensive wall?
Dave Choate: I blame it on a potent cocktail of our own mistakes, the Steelers’ brick wall defense, and maybe a dash of bad luck.
Dave Cariello: Bad luck? How did fate conspire against the Falcons?
Dave Choate: You either looked that up or you moonlight as a chef.
Dave Choate: Speaking of culinary skills… how’s the Saints’ offense gonna cook without Reggie Bush in the kitchen?
Dave Cariello: Not quite as smooth as my earlier transition, was it?
Dave Choate: Can’t all be home runs.
Dave Cariello: Saints have weathered storms without Reggie before and often thrived, even gotten better. Sean Payton’s definitely gonna tweak the playbook while Reggie’s sidelined for a couple of months, and sure, game planning against us gets a tad easier for opponents. Pierre Thomas will likely see an uptick in carries, and Ladell Betts is back to share the workload. Chris Ivory’s return is on the horizon in a couple of weeks, which is a huge boost. Luckily, we’ve got that aerial attack to lean on. But let’s be real, nobody truly replaces Reggie.
Dave Choate: Is Bush like Drew Brees’ security blanket? Or does he have enough offensive firepower to shrug this off?
Dave Cariello: He’ll manage. It stings, no doubt, makes the offense a bit less dynamic, but the arsenal is still loaded.
Dave Choate: Well, damn.
Dave Cariello: Here’s what Falcons fans should be sweating about: The Saints’ offense has been sluggish out of the gate this season. Points are down from their usual fireworks display, and I’m sensing that frustration is simmering. It’s only a matter of time before they explode and drop 50 points on someone. You really don’t want it to be the Falcons.
Dave Choate: If you hang 50 on us, I’m treating myself to a prime steak dinner. Because eating crow is just nasty. And hey, this ain’t your grandpa’s Falcons D anymore.
Dave Cariello: Probably more likely to happen the following week against the Panthers.
Dave Choate: Can we just take a moment to acknowledge how much the Panthers are… struggling?
Dave Cariello: Absolutely, the floor is yours. Vent away.
Dave Choate: Let me just quote myself from a recent tweet: “A desperate John Fox turns his lonely eyes to Jimmy Clausen as the Panthers’ savior.” You could sink a fleet of battleships with that level of suck.
Dave Cariello: Ironically, the Saints’ defense has a knack for turning rookie QBs into All-Pros. Case in point: Alex Smith. Monday night was probably his career highlight reel.
Dave Choate: Yeah, explain that voodoo to me. I had to blink a few times to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating.
Dave Cariello: They bleed yardage, but they live for the turnover. And they seem to conjure one up whenever the pressure’s on. Like it’s no big deal. Like they could do it on demand, but they generously choose not to most of the time just to be nice.
Dave Choate: Yeah, someone up in the sky (or maybe on the third floor of the officiating HQ) is looking out for you guys. It’s infuriating how you Saints always seem to flip the switch at the perfect moment.
Dave Cariello: Keeps the heart rate elevated and the games nail-biting, right?
Dave Choate: Also, two side effects listed on the Cialis box.
Dave Cariello: Brilliant. Hey, I’m watching Brian Baldinger on NFL Network. They need to give him a glove or something to hide that freaky pinky of his.
Dave Choate: Dude, you can’t unsee it.
Dave Cariello: Thing is grotesque. It’s got its own agenda, pointing in a completely different direction, like it wants to defect from the rest of his hand.
Dave Choate: Also, potentially a Cialis side effect.
Dave Cariello: Ha! Okay, new question: If the Falcons were a drug, what would it be, and what are the side effects?
Dave Choate: Inconsistenex. Side effect? Predictably, inconsistency. And maybe having two decent years back-to-back only once in their entire 44-year history. Oh, and male pattern baldness.
Dave Cariello: Hold up…
Dave Cariello: Falcons had a solid year last year. Are you implying the Falcons are heading for a nosedive this year?
Dave Choate: Nah, man, we’ve finally broken free from the shackles of mediocrity and are now frolicking in the pastures of success.
Dave Cariello: Think the Falcons have a shot at snatching the division crown?
Dave Choate: A slim one. Real talk, even with your offensive hiccups, you guys are too strong to let the division slip. We might ambush you in the playoffs, but regular season, it’s probably yours. What’s your gut feeling about the division race?
Dave Cariello: Falcons snag a wild card spot. Panthers are bringing up the rear.
Dave Choate: Pretty much mirrors my crystal ball. Gotta say, I’m already anticipating being thoroughly sick of you Saints by season’s end.
Dave Cariello: Well, that’s… kinda sweet, in a backhanded way.
Dave Choate: You know me. Sweet as a swift kick to the… well, you get it.
Dave Cariello: Can you believe we haven’t even mentioned Jerious Norwood yet?
Dave Choate: Been trying to bury that memory. Poor Norwood! Rest in peace, gentle runner.
Dave Cariello: Fill me in on the whole situation. How’d he get sidelined?
Dave Choate: Just a freak accident, I guess. Opening kickoff return, leg went haywire. Honestly though, I don’t think we’ll miss him that much. Jason Snelling is a more reliable backup, and we just picked up Gartrell Johnson. Who’s so slow, he practically moonwalks when he runs forward.
Dave Cariello: Does he need a Flux Capacitor to hit 88 mph?
Dave Choate: Heard they call him “Garty.” And yeah, pretty much. But it’s cool, he’ll get that sports almanac back from Biff. Speaking of relics from the 80s, how’s your defense holding up?
Dave Cariello: Darren Sharper’s still out, but Malcolm Jenkins is holding down the fort. Secondary is probably the strongest link in the chain. Linebacker corps is a bit thin, and the defensive line hasn’t exactly been terrorizing quarterbacks. Run defense is a concern, so I’m a little anxious about the Falcons’ ground game. What about your defensive squad? Abraham always gives me cold sweats.
Dave Choate: Abraham is still a beast, no doubt, but we’re hyped about Kroy Biermann on the other side of the line. That dude is wired differently. Secondary is definitely improved. Linebackers are still a force. I’d peg our defense as middle-of-the-pack or better right now, which is a massive leap for us.
Dave Cariello: What’s your prediction for their defensive game plan against the Saints’ offense?
Dave Choate: Gotta start with putting Brees under pressure. Maybe offer him some… relaxation herbs? But seriously, if we can rattle him, get some hits in, I think the Falcons have a shot at disrupting their rhythm. And we need to contain Pierre Thomas. We’ve been gashed by two massive runs that account for both touchdowns our defense has surrendered. Gotta plug those holes.
Dave Cariello: So, the Falcons have a tendency to give up the big play?
Dave Choate: Zero stats to back this up, but gut feeling? Absolutely. My memory bank is overflowing with game-changing long plays that crushed us. These two recent ones are still burned in my retinas. Between them, they’re like 130 yards of pain. So yeah, not ideal.
Dave Cariello: What’s your take on those Matt Ryan trade rumors last week?
Dave Choate: Total garbage. This franchise bends over backwards to stand by their guys. Losing faith in your franchise QB in his third season would be monumentally stupid. But hey, look at how Brees landed in New Orleans!
Dave Choate: I know it’s cliché, but who’s that one under-the-radar Falcon the Saints need to watch out for?
Dave Cariello: Right now, I’m gonna say Courtney Roby on special teams. He’s a special teams demon, always around the ball on punt coverage, and nails his positioning to make plays. Dangerous on kick returns too. He’s got the potential to break one loose and swing the game.
Dave Cariello: What about the Falcons? Spill the beans on this Kroy Biermann character you mentioned earlier.
Dave Choate: Man, what isn’t there to say about him? He’s a pass-rushing tornado. Three sacks in pre-season, one to kick off the regular season. Crazy combo of speed and power for a smaller defensive end. He’ll dance circles around your bigger offensive tackles.
Dave Cariello: What would a Falcons victory over the Saints mean for your fanbase?
Dave Choate: A 2-1 record. Bragging rights, which would be a welcome change of pace considering your current reign. And a statement that the Falcons are legit contenders. I’d welcome it with open arms. What does a win mean for the Saints? Besides, you know, divine intervention and all that.
Dave Cariello: Eh, not earth-shattering. Most Saints fans are riding high on confidence and expecting wins. I guess it hinges on how they win. If the Saints can somehow dismantle the Falcons, it might inject some extra juice into the fanbase, show them the team is hitting its stride again.
Dave Choate: I sincerely hope that scenario remains in the realm of nightmares.
Dave Cariello: Wanna lay down a prediction?
Dave Choate: I do! Falcons 100-Saints 0. Serious prediction? Falcons 31-Saints 24.
Dave Cariello: Nice. Textbook homer pick, as it should be. Not gonna happen though. I’d flip that score.
Dave Choate: You would. Remember what happened last year when you predicted the Saints would win?
Dave Choate: Oh, right. You were right.
Dave Cariello: I was right thirteen times last year. They made me look like a genius.
Dave Choate: Rare, but appreciated. Good luck to you! May you only lose by a hair. Or, you know, get blown out. That’s cool too.
Dave Cariello: Alright, let’s wrap this up… Give me three keys to the game for the Saints to conquer the Falcons.
Dave Choate: 1) Cage Michael Turner and Jason Snelling. 2) Keep Drew Brees vertical (also, still a potential Cialis perk). 3) Establish the ground game early and often.
Dave Choate: Give me one key for the Falcons to upset the Saints. Keep it simple.
Dave Cariello: Don’t hand the ball over!
Dave Choate: Haha. Duly noted.
Dave Cariello: If the Niners had held onto the ball on Monday night, they win. Same story with the Vikings game.
Dave Choate: Agreed. Easier preached than practiced, though.
