She Belongs to the Streets: Why Trust is Broken Forever After Infidelity

Concerned Man Thinking About Relationship

Photo by iStock.com/Vladimir Vladimirov

In this video coaching newsletter, I delve into an email from a 49-year-old viewer grappling with a devastating revelation. After 31 years together, and 22 years of marriage, he discovered his wife, the mother of his two adult children, has been engaged in a six-year affair. He recounts how they had drifted apart over the last 8-10 years, acknowledging his own shortcomings in maintaining the relationship. While his wife claims to have ended the affair, her guarded phone behavior fuels his suspicion and confirms his broken trust. He seeks guidance on how to navigate this infidelity.

My commentary, presented in bold italics like this, will dissect his email and address the core issue: can trust be rebuilt after such profound betrayal, and what does it truly mean when “She Belongs To The Streets?”

The Harsh Truth About Cheating and Trust

The viewer is understandably wrestling with forgiveness and belief. He questions if he should accept his wife’s words at face value after such a deep deception. His intuition screams distrust, a healthy response in this situation. While my perspective on infidelity may provoke discomfort, particularly from those with a history of dishonesty, I remain steadfast. My viewpoint is forged from years of experience – thousands of coaching sessions and countless emails – revealing consistent patterns across diverse backgrounds. Ultimately, character is the defining factor in these situations.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I recently immersed myself in your 3% book and numerous YouTube videos, driven by a quest for truth and solutions in my current crisis. I am 49, and my wife is 47. We’ve been married for 22 years, together for 31.

It sounds like a classic love story, perhaps high school sweethearts. The picture-perfect scenario of lifelong happiness that movies and TV shows often portray. The myth of finding “the one” and living in perpetual bliss.

I have always been completely faithful.

I believe you wholeheartedly.

I confess to placing her on a pedestal, never feeling the need to be controlling or suspicious. However, over the past 8-10 years, we’ve grown distant. The loss of my mother triggered depression, and I gained weight.

Man Feeling Unattractive and Overweight

Photo by iStock.com/tommaso79

In my experience counseling individuals facing marital discord, especially when a wife loses attraction or seeks separation, the root cause often lies in one of two areas: A) the husband ceased to actively date and court his wife, or B) ineffective communication. A crucial aspect of courtship, even within marriage, is self-care – maintaining physical fitness, healthy eating, and presenting oneself attractively.

Consider my own example, at 51, I maintain a level of physical fitness that many find appealing, but it requires consistent effort. Many men, however, fall into complacency after marriage. They rationalize weight gain and neglect their appearance, assuming their wives are committed regardless. “She’s not going anywhere; we have a mortgage and kids.” This mindset is a slippery slope. Neglecting your role as a partner opens the door for someone else to step in and offer the attention and validation your wife may be missing.

My wife expresses emotional detachment, though she claims our sex life is good.

“Good for her” is the operative phrase here, as she’s likely enjoying intimacy with both you and her affair partner.

We have sex once or twice weekly. She says it’s to keep me content.

A “mercy fuck,” offered out of obligation rather than genuine desire. A truly disheartening situation.

I buried my head in the sand, unwilling to acknowledge our growing disconnect. She made some attempts to alert me, but they were half-hearted in my opinion.

Ultimately, you made choices that contributed to the relationship’s decline. Whether due to grief or personal struggles, neglecting your well-being and the relationship had consequences. You ceased being the man she initially fell in love with. However, this in no way justifies her choice to cheat.

Broken Heart and Betrayal on Valentines Day

Photo by iStock.com/DNY59

February 14, 2021…

Valentine’s Day, a day idealized for lovers and soulmates, a celebration of perfect relationships. While some couples achieve this ideal, it requires constant nurturing. The reality is many relationships are merely co-existences, avoiding conflict, and prioritizing convenience over genuine connection. Maintaining peace to ensure continued “access to the box” when desired.

…I discovered a text message on her phone from another man. Further investigation revealed a six-year on-again, off-again affair with a man unknown to me.

She belongs to the streets!

I am HEARTBROKEN! Our children are 20 and 19 and still live at home. She admits it was the biggest mistake of her life.

Her “biggest mistake” is likely getting caught. She regrets the disruption to her clandestine affair and the comfortable deception she maintained. You were completely blindsided.

She claims to have ended contact with him and deleted all communication. However, I have screenshots of some exchanges.

Wise move to document everything, especially if divorce becomes a consideration. Infidelity can significantly impact divorce proceedings in many jurisdictions. My immediate advice, if we were in a coaching session, would be to consult a divorce attorney to understand your legal standing and options.

Man Consulting a Lawyer After Discovering Infidelity

Photo by iStock.com/Tero Vesalainen

Prioritize legal counsel. Schedule a consultation with a divorce attorney immediately. Understand your rights and potential next steps before making any decisions or confronting your wife further. Knowledge is power in this situation. Protect yourself legally and financially.

I have never been a jealous person and felt completely secure in our relationship, trusting her implicitly.

You sound like a genuinely good and trusting man.

I even jokingly told her if she thought “the grass was greener,” she should explore it. (My words backfired spectacularly.)

Your open-mindedness was exploited. She interpreted your statement as permission to seek external validation and physical intimacy elsewhere – a “side piece,” a “hot beef injection” to compensate for perceived dissatisfaction within the marriage.

We’ve decided to attempt reconciliation, but a major obstacle remains. She refuses to fully disclose the details of the affair.

Predictable. She knows the full truth would be too damaging. She hopes to offer just enough information to placate you, manipulating you into accepting a superficial version of events.

She argues that the full disclosure would be too painful for me.

Undoubtedly, the truth would be deeply painful. Imagine the extent of lies and deceit woven over six years. She has been living a double life, an elaborate performance. You trusted her implicitly, while she was betraying that trust throughout your children’s formative teenage years. The ultimate betrayal.

Woman Hiding Truth and Being Deceptive

Photo by iStock.com/Viorel Kurnosov

Six years of infidelity reveals a profound lack of character and integrity. Unhappy individuals with strong character confront issues directly, communicate openly, and honor their commitments. They strive to repair relationships. Those who resort to prolonged affairs demonstrate a fundamental deficiency in character. Ignore the justifications and excuses; integrity dictates honesty and commitment.

My personal stance: I value integrity above all else. At 51, I have never cheated in any relationship, despite ample opportunities. Commitment is a promise I uphold. However, I recognize that in today’s world, such values are not universally shared. Many pay lip service to fidelity but lack genuine conviction. Ultimately, actions speak volumes about character.

I insist that now is not the time to protect me, but to be completely honest.

Absolutely correct. Honesty is paramount for any chance of reconciliation.

I cannot trust her at all now.

Nor should you ever fully trust her again. Because, as the saying goes, she belongs to the streets, brother!

I feel like I’ve been living a lie for the past six years.

Not you – she has been living a lie, and you were unknowingly caught in it.

She guards her phone like Fort Knox but insists there’s nothing to hide.

Woman Secretly Using Her Phone and Hiding It

Photo by iStock.com/dragana991

It’s not that there’s “nothing” to see; it’s that there’s nothing she wants you to see. She aims to maintain the illusion of ending the affair, creating a temporary lull. She anticipates that you will eventually relax your vigilance, allowing her to resume the affair discreetly.

Assume the affair is ongoing. Doubt everything she says. Six years of deception is a staggering amount of lies, a deeply ingrained pattern of dishonesty. A “turd in the punch bowl” of your marriage, to put it bluntly.

My question is, how do I apply the principles from your 3% man book in this situation without causing further harm or resentment?

Focus on yourself first and foremost. Recommit to your physical well-being – hit the gym, reconnect with friends, rediscover the man you once were – the man who enjoyed life. As for your wife, she needs to demonstrate significant changes and actively work to regain your trust. Currently, she is not taking responsibility or offering genuine remorse.

Her unwillingness to be transparent reinforces her continued deception. “It’s over, but you can’t see my phone, even though there’s nothing to see” is a blatant lie. A woman capable of six years of deceit is likely adept at further manipulation. Yes, she belongs to the streets, plain and simple. Do not believe her words.

Applying “3% Man” principles means prioritizing your masculinity. Be assertive, regardless of her reactions. Your attitude should be: “I am committed to becoming the best version of myself, physically and mentally.” If you choose to remain intimate with your wife, practice safe sex.

Man Questioning Paternity After Wife's Infidelity

Photo by iStock.com/SeventyFour

Consider the implications of a six-year affair. Can you be certain of your children’s paternity, even though they are adults? Uncertainty is a valid concern. I’ve coached men who discovered long-term infidelity and subsequent questions about their children’s biological parentage. The depth of betrayal can be profound and far-reaching.

Another recurring pattern: men in long-term relationships discover infidelity, only to learn of prior cheating history. “She cheated on every boyfriend before me, but I thought I was different.” Denial is a powerful force. Remember Gerald Celente’s adage: “Current events form future trends.” A six-year affair is a strong predictor of future behavior. She will likely cheat again, given the opportunity and perceived safety. Do not be swayed by her words; her actions over six years reveal her true character. Trust is irrevocably broken.

We still live together with our children. We sleep in the same bed. Sex is currently better than ever, but then I am overwhelmed by despair.

Enjoy the physical intimacy while you contemplate your next steps and secure your legal position. Perhaps consider an open relationship, but acknowledge the underlying reality: your wife has demonstrated a propensity for infidelity. Even if you become the ideal “3% Man,” she may still stray if you become complacent again in the future.

Couple Drifting Apart and Facing Relationship Problems

Photo by iStock.com/AleksandarNakic

The harsh truth: you may not know the full extent of her infidelity – there could be multiple partners. I’ve encountered cases of women with nymphomaniac tendencies, engaging in affairs with numerous individuals – friends, colleagues, even neighbors. You are operating with incomplete information.

I want to try to stay together, but I need full disclosure before making a decision. You wouldn’t buy a house or car without all the details, right?

Full disclosure is unlikely, at least initially. She will only reveal the complete truth if she genuinely falls back in love with you and is overcome by guilt. Currently, you are unlikely to get honest answers.

The crucial question is: are you willing to remain married to a woman you now know is likely to cheat again if you are not perpetually vigilant? Can you maintain a state of constant perfection indefinitely? I acknowledge my own imperfections and occasional lapses in self-discipline.

Long-term relationships inevitably face challenges – life events, family issues, career pressures, health concerns. If your wife is unhappy and you are not consistently meeting her needs (or perceived needs), she is prone to infidelity. Believing you can be the perfect partner forever is unrealistic. You asked for my honest opinion.

Man Contemplating Divorce and Future After Infidelity

Photo by iStock.com/John Sommer

The fundamental question remains: are you comfortable staying married to a woman who you know is likely to cheat again if you falter in the future? If so, remain with her. Alternatively, consider an open relationship, allowing her to continue her affair while you pursue your own external relationships. However, at that point, the question arises: why remain married at all, now that your children are adults?

Ideally, children benefit from witnessing healthy, monogamous relationships. However, your wife is unlikely to provide that example. You, on the other hand, have demonstrated fidelity and loyalty. If it were me, I would leave. Your children, observing your actions, would understand. “Dad left after discovering Mom’s six-year affair, and he is now happier with a trustworthy partner.” Your relationship advice would carry weight; hers would likely be disregarded. “Mom belongs to the streets, though we love her, her choices are questionable.”

I am carefully choosing my words, as censorship is increasingly prevalent. More explicit content will be available in the members’ area of my website in the future, due to platform restrictions.

Do I try to make peace, or issue an ultimatum?

Putting on your “big boy pants” is essential. Reiterate the core question: are you comfortable staying with a woman you know will likely cheat again? If so, proceed accordingly. An ultimatum is futile. She will say what you want to hear, feign compliance, and revert to her old patterns once you relax your guard. Six years of deceit cannot be erased. Trust is shattered.

Tell all, or I’m out?

Man Making a Decision About His Unfaithful Wife

Photo by iStock.com/Joaquin Corbalan

Her words are meaningless at this point. She is not trustworthy. The decision is yours: do you want to remain married to a dishonest, unfaithful woman?

Because if she doesn’t tell me, I’ll ALWAYS wonder in the back of my head.

She will not tell you the full truth willingly. The only way she might is if she genuinely falls back in love with you, motivated by guilt. This requires you to become your best self and allow her to pursue you.

And I don’t think I can deal with that.

Looking for clarity. Thanks for listening.

Bob

The answer is clear. Consult a divorce attorney immediately – prioritize legal counsel. Ultimately, you must decide if you can tolerate a marriage with a woman who has a high probability of future infidelity.

This is your decision alone. No one can make it for you, nor should they. If it were me, I would leave. However, I also acknowledge that I might have been more vigilant had I been in a 30-year marriage. Complacency can set in.

I understand her potential unhappiness, and her choice to avoid confrontation by seeking external validation. However, her six-year affair demonstrates a profound lack of value for loyalty and monogamy. “You’re done, babe.”

You face a significant decision, my friend. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Infidelity is unfortunately common. Remember, she belongs to the streets!

For personalized guidance, visit UnderstandingRelationships.com and schedule a coaching session with me.

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The Harsh Truth About Cheating and Trust

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